One Is Not The Loneliest Number
They probably do not do it as much anymore now, but does anyone remember when you would go into a pharmacy and buy one thing and the cashier would ask “Will that be all for you?” I remember sometimes wanting to say “Do you see anything else on the counter or in my hands?” Instead, I would just politely say, “Yes, that’s it”. Something about the obvious not being so obvious to them was annoying to me. But perhaps it was just a sales technique to get the impulse shopper to find something else to buy at the last minute. They keep lots of “goodies” and guilty pleasures right at the checkout counter – for easy access I guess.
As a single woman, many times; especially for work, I travel alone. As an IT consultant, it became a normal thing to fly alone, carry my bags myself, eat alone most times, and even go out for leisure entertainment alone. I know many of you are probably reading this saying Wow, what a lonely life. It can be, but it’s all a matter of perspective. To a married mother of five children, it may sound like The Life!
The point I would like to make is that in the beginning, it was not easy doing so many things by myself. It was awkward at times. Similar to my pharmacy experiences of the past, I would walk into a restaurant and approach the host as he or she would ask “How many?” and I’d say in a low almost embarrassing tone, “Just one”. So many times they would repeat back loudly “JUST ONE?” I felt like a young teenage boy buying condoms that need a price check requested over the intercom. I could not tell if there was sympathy or shock in their delivery of that question – Just one?
It was not long before I just got used to it. I got comfortable with it. But before that could happen, I had to become comfortable with myself. I had to learn to like me. I had to learn to enjoy my own company and know that I was enough whether I had companions or not. There was no shame in being a party of one. Soon, I was walking in and boldly declaring “Just One.” If I ever detected that sympathy/shock in the host’s confirmation, I would confidently reply Yep! And yes, I would request to be seated in a booth! While waiting for my order, I would people watch (which is the best!). I would try to guess what other guests were talking about or whether a couple really liked each other and got along. I would check email, social media surf, make a call or sometimes just quietly sit and allow my mind and body to relax after a long workday. It was nice.
I am a movie buff, so sometimes I will grab some of my fellow consultant buddies and catch a good movie. I do not like watching funny movies or chick flicks alone if I can help it. But it was no big deal for me to go and watch a whole movie by myself if no one was available to go with me. It can actually be less distracting when it is just you (just saying).
So many people feel like they could never do any of these things alone. They could not imagine going alone…sitting alone….doing something very cool, alone. If that is you, I challenge you to ask yourself why. What is keeping me from trying it? Why don’t I feel like I would enjoy myself? You would be surprised at how much courage you will discover you have in you. You will find out things about yourself you never really noticed or gave much attention to. You will be surprised how much your body and soul will cherish the solitude and begin to speak to you about what you need to be healthy. Getting alone helps you hear God too.
So many of us have lost our identity in our being a wife or a mom or a friend or in our careers or service to others. We have not really gotten to know ourselves beyond what happened to us, or the expectations placed on us by others or even the titles we wear. We have become especially co-dependent. We have never really explored the beauty and fully embraced the flaws of us. What “they” say about you doesn’t really matter. What do you know about you?
Learning to love yourself, to like yourself, and to be comfortable in your own skin is not always an easy task. But it starts with overcoming the fear of facing the good, the bad, and the ugly truths about ourselves – and accepting them. It is taking that first step to overcome your fear of being alone. Do it afraid if you have to. This is not about becoming independent and not needing anyone else. If that is what you are getting from this, you missed it.
Luke 10:27 tells us, “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’’; and, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This is about becoming your best and healthiest you. It is necessary for us to know and love ourselves so that we can properly love others and not place unrealistic expectations on them. One-ness can mean wholeness.
Beloved, to thine own self be true. – William Shakespeare